i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
