What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
