You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
