i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
