I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
