My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
