...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
