I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
