Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
A bitchslap is in order.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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