Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
