I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
