Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
