For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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