Fine. I'll sleep in my office
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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