I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
