Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
