Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
