p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
