The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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