I want to walk on stilts...naked
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
