So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize