The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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