Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
