so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
