My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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