I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
