You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Drunk is not a location!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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