True but thats because hes a fetus.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
