I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
