He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize