She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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