I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize