I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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