I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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