why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize