Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
