Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
