Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
