Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
