I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
