I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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