I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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