You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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