Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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