how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
how drunk are you?
Several
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
