I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
