my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
