so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
