Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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