Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
