Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
