My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
