we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
