we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
