Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
