I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
