There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
