so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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