I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
