I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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