It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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