Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
