The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
