You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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