I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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