you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
